What a coincidence. I take a short hiatus, and the first thing I write about upon returning is silence.
For the Love of Christmas, Please Stop Talking to Any Given Person When
- They are clearly watching the last 15 minutes of a movie, TV show, game, or finale of any kind.
- They are clearly about to shut the bathroom door.
- They clearly have neither responded, gotten a word in edgewise, or even ventured a glance at you in the last ten minutes. Twenty minutes. Three hours.
- They are clearly lost while driving and require every inch of brain to unravel heinous highway conundrums while avoiding onslaughts of minivan moms.
- They are clearly glancing around the library/church/classroom/conference room to confirm that everyone but you has noticed how loud you are.
- They are clearly wearing earphones.
- They are clearly reading the last 50 pages of a book.
- They are clearly silent after you make several strong statements about politics, religion, or all the stuff you can’t stand about That Guy.
- Luke is clearly about to learn Darth Vader is dear ol’ pa.
- The lady’s screaming toddler has clearly–and finally– fallen asleep.
- They have clearly commenced doing the pee-pee dance.
- They are clearly immobile, waiting for you to wrap up your conversation about grandkids and step out of the middle of the grocery aisle so they can buy their Metamucil.
- They are clearly delivering the holiest of altar calls.
- They are clearly asleep. Or freshly awakened.
- They just jacked up radio volume and clearly announced this song as their favorite.
- They are clearly inching forward in the car while you lean your bad self in the window and prattle on.
- They seem interested in what you’re saying, but have clearly ceased breathing. This means your breath is so heinous, you could level tall buildings with the word “Huh.”
- You insist on telling/retelling that joke or story that–clearly–no one but you finds funny.
- You are trying to converse with someone who clearly wants to sleep between departure and O’Hare.
- They are clearly eating something crunchy. News flash: if they’re munching cereal or potato chips, they can’t hear you.
- You are rambling on about any body part (form or function, yours or otherwise) ordinarily covered by a bathing suit–and are clearly sitting in your office chair at work.
- When someone makes a point, you respond with 4 or 5 points. This is like hitting five subsequent tennis balls at your opponent during a match. It’s overkill, Honeybunch.
Are you an offender? When is the worst time for someone to monopolize your attention?
Photo courtesy Becca Upchurch, Upchurch Studios Copyright 2011. May not be used or reprinted without permission.