Better Questions to Ask Women

“Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

Small talk with women has changed very little in the last 50 years. Basically, it consists of three questions.

“Do you have a boyfriend?/Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
“When are you getting engaged/married?”
“When are y’all going to start having kids?”

Since I know exactly no one who enjoys being pelted with these questions, I’ll skip any commentary and offer some more polite alternatives.

Screen shot 2015-01-29 at 5.31.16 PM

-When do you graduate?
-What will you get your degree in?
-What is your passion in life?
-So, are you heading up the project?
-What are you designing now?
-When are you getting the patent?
-Where can I go see you in concert?
-When does your book publish?
-How can I donate to your nonprofit?
-What is your Kickstarter page?
-So, what was your goal? How did you get there?
-What did you learn this week?
-What is your next idea?
-How are you planning to build it?
-How did you decide to set up your office?
-When are you going to apply for that promotion?
-When is your company going to put a team behind your idea?
-Where are you traveling next?

I’d love to hear your alternative questions in the comments.


Posted in: art

14 thoughts on “Better Questions to Ask Women

  1. Charlotte Dunlap says:

    If they know you they should ask questions that pertain to “who” you are.

    I have a vey sucessfull career but if I had it to do over I would have chosen to be st home with my children.


  2. Stephanie Cain says:

    OMG I am SO tired of being asked those questions! I live in rural Indiana, and it’s like no one here can imagine a woman who isn’t married with kids. Not only am I happily single, but I don’t want kids. So find something else to ask me.

    Ask me:
    “What do you do in your free time?”
    “What causes are you passionate about?”
    “What is something you really wish people knew about you?”

  3. Rae says:

    – What was the last thing you did that changed your outlook?
    – What was the last book, article, newspaper, etc. you read? Why did you choose to read it?
    – Who inspires you?
    – Tell me about your, script, book, show, art project, etc.? What prompted you to create it?

    • indyink says:

      These are well thought-out questions in general, too. In the last year, I’ve discovered that people love to talk about books they’ve just read. Reading can be a solitary experience, and it’s pretty cool to find someone who will look at you, shake her head, and say, “I love that book, too!”

      The same goes with projects. People often tackle them because of a passion–and who doesn’t love to talk about their passions?

      • Rae says:

        Very true. I have just found when I ask people what’s their passion it is too much of a question for them. If I can get them going I generally can get them started on their passion.
        I know reading is solitary, but I do love finding a new reader.

  4. Rebekah says:

    I love when people (knowing me and my interests) ask me what I’m researching/working on and if I’ve learned about any new crafting ideas and have I drawn up blue-prints for my (non-existent) garden and have I found any really good GF recipes recently.

    Really anything that expresses interest in me-as-a-person instead of me-as-a-statistic.

  5. Carli says:

    “What do you do all day”? Oh I’m sorry, that’s a question you should never ask a stay at home mom : )

    Good question to ask, “what sparks creativity in you”?

    • Anonymous says:

      Another good one. How do you encouraged your children to be who they are meant to be? How do you mold and shape the future of our world?

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